death by a thousand notifications

jeff and gretchen are getting married.
since this is 2012, I saw it on facebook.

I made a congratulatory comment.

gretchen is very popular and jeff…well, jeff is engaged to gretchen. just kidding. jeff is also very popular. so a lot of people saw it on facebook. and a lot of people made comments. they still are, and the comments continue to scroll by, like quietly jubilant brits at the queen’s 106th birthday celebration.

here’s the problem. I made a comment and felt warm feelings for my friends. but then I was ready to move on with my evening. facebook had other ideas.

anytime one of the happy couple’s thousands of friends, acquaintances, creditors, cabana boys or random wreckage made a comment on gretchen’s photo or even liked it, facebook notifications rolled out with the same pomp and circumstance accorded to my witty bon mot (french for ‘he think he so funny’).

sometimes, when the torrent of camaraderie overloaded the servers, the facebook notifications were consolidated (as at right).  but that’s not the point. it is never the first cut that kills; it is the last. I know you feel my pain. you want to feel good for your friend(s) – heck, you were moved enough to make a comment. but you’ve got stuff to do, and the honeymoon glow wears off quickly.

taming facebook notifications

facebook understands, and they can make the pain go away.

and you’re done. until the photos from gretchen’s bachelorette party #whathappensinptown

PS the more observant among you may hsave noticed some interesting things going on in the top two pictures. it’s a fun new toy I’m testing out. more to follow!